The end is so near...yet I'm hanging by a thread

The end of Ranger school is creeping up on me. Like a week. I'm hoping I hear from him this weekend after peer evaluations and I'm fervently sending up my prayers that he is doing alright.

I need him to be doing alright because I need him home with me. That sounds so selfish when I read it back to myself but the last few weeks, with him and without him have been so hard. The last couple days I have felt it more than usual. I cry, randomly. And then I stop, randomly. I just stop and say a small prayer asking God to gaurd my heart which currently resides in the cold Florida swamp.

Is it silly I feel spoiled every time he comes home? I told him this once and he just laughed but I really feel it's true. in the past four months I have seen E a total of 3 weeks....strange, it's less than I saw him when we were dating and living in two different cities. I feel like if I can make it through this then I am strong enough to make it through the next phases we encounter. At least I hope and pray I'm that strong for my own sake and for his sake. I've also found that being busy and being at home help so much. I'm hoping that if I get a job for next fall it will have the same effect on me.

All in good time. If you remember tonight please pray for E and for me. Pray we make it through the few days without too many bumps, bruises and with great success!!!